“Are you old?” An Instagram story.
As an author and poet, I have an Instagram account and interact with several different communities on there.
Yesterday another poet contacted me to link up. Then I had the following conversation:
Poet: are you an old person? I mean, am asking … cause it’s nice to see your face in the profile and felt amazing while reading your posts….
I take my time to respond, because I’m killing myself laughing. While I’m still writing my reply I get:
Poet: I’m sorry if I hurt you with my words. I’ll unsend it.
Me: In my reply I told them that I am in fact old and nearly seventy, but I wasn’t upset, just laughing.
Poet: OMG… You are sooo old and writing such beautiful pieces. Fan of yours grandma. ❤️
I discovered I was talking to a seventeen-year-old boy from India, hence calling me Grandma, rather than by my name.
I’ve noticed several of the other young poets from India refer to me as ma’am, which I think, they see as more respectful than using my Christian name.
At the end of the conversation he thanked me for chatting with him.
My Instagram Journey
I’m still smiling about this today. What amused me is their premise that I can write beautiful poetry, despite being old. As if the two are exclusive.
Also, part of the surprise was possibly, I don’t write romantic, flowery poetry, which may have been their expectation, but poems about everything and anything that takes my fancy. I don’t focus on only one style either, which some writers do.
According to Statista, the most active group on Instagram as of October 2020, are aged between 25 and 34 years, and in total, over two thirds of total Instagram audiences were aged 34 years and younger.
At 68, I don’t fit the persona of someone aiming to be an Instagram Influencer (which I’m not aiming for), and I’m obviously way outside their target market. In fact, over 65-year olds are only 2.3% of users. However, as yet, I haven’t found any discrimination against me because of my age.
There are times, I don’t understand some of the terminology, but I also have friends in their 40’s and 50’s who have the same problem.
I belong to two poetry community groups. One, interestingly, has a large number of people from the Indian continent, many of whom are between the age of 17 and 35, and the other group has a wider geographical and age spread, but mostly age-wise, up to around mid to late 30’s. There are a few of us around my age too.
The other great thing about belonging to communities, is the ongoing support you get from the other poets. If anyone is having a bad day they can talk to the rest of us in the chat group.
During lockdown, these poetry groups have been support-lifelines for many of the people who are part of the communities. In terms of mental health, writing poetry and finding supportive words from others has helped many people to keep their head above water.
I enjoy Instagram because, alongside having my own ideas, poetry prompts are given regularly. I know quite a few poets who dismiss prompts, almost as something beneath them. They are quite able to find their own creative ideas, thank -you!
For me, prompts are often based on idea that I may not otherwise have written about, and I’ve written on subjects I’d otherwise have never considered. I’ve been challenged to move outside of my comfort zone, which is always good.
Perceptions of Age
Returning to the presumption that being old means you can’t do things you would when you are younger……
At seventeen for most of us, the idea of our parents having sex was gross. And the number of my friends’ children I hear say, ‘get a room’, if they see their parents hugging or kissing.
We don’t have children, and therefore not surprisingly, no grandchildren either. We regularly hug and kiss, and snuggle on the settee. But we don’t have anybody else to worry about. There’s no one trying to embarrass us and if there was, maybe we wouldn’t be as demonstrative.
I aim to continue working for as long as I can. For two main reasons: first, I love keeping mentally active, and secondly, as my husband is younger than me, I don’t want be at home, retired when he’s still working. I want us to be retired together.
People still working over the age of sixty-five is not that unusual today, however, I do occasionally get asked with some incredulity, as to why I’m not retired.
I’m not particularly extrovert in the way I look or behave, but having a younger husband, in a mixed-racial relationship, and no children does throw a curve-ball to some people.
Unable to gush, or moan about my children or grandchildren I don’t have, means, people can’t find a commonality to talk about. I don’t fit the norm.
With my lack of children, they are not sure if they should be giving me their condolences, and when realise I chose not to have children, I often get the ‘you’re very lucky’ comment. Followed quickly by, ‘But I wouldn’t do without mine, not now.’
Getting older is an interesting time, but mostly, I forget how old I am, for the very reason of not having children. I don’t have that temperature- age -gauge as a measure against what I do.
I don’t have that inner voice telling me I shouldn’t be doing ‘that’ at my age, when I’m a mother, or a grandmother….
Also, I still have lots of things I want to do in the future, I haven’t given up dreaming.
Most of my friends are around ten to twelve years younger than me, alongside several even younger friends who I’m regularly in contact with.
I meet people who I chat away to, enjoying a conversation as though we’re the same age, and then we both realise, I could be their mother or grandmother. Often, we’re both shocked!
I do think about my age, and there is no getting away from it. But it is, only a number, it doesn’t have to be an attitude!
Here’s hoping I’ll still be enjoying Instagram for years to come…..
“If you’re always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.” — Maya Angelou
Lis McDermott is an author, poet and professional writing mentor, find out more at www.LisMcDermottauthor.co.uk